DEAR DEIDRE: HOW
can I forgive my wife after she confessed to an affair with my boss, to having
sex with a colleague AND with our next-door neighbour?
I’m 31, she is 27 and we have been married for three years.
I thought we were happy. Then we had a row about our sex
life when I felt too tired after a long day at work and my wife yelled: “At
least your boss would give me a good time in bed.
She said she’d cheated before our wedding and during the
first year of marriage with my boss.
I took her to my boss’s wife’s 40th birthday party when we
were first dating. My boss got chatting to her, they flirted and he got her
phone number. He started sending her expensive gifts. They met up and had sex.
“It just happened,” she said. They would check into hotels
when I was away. She said she was consumed with guilt and wanted to tell me for
ages so we could wipe the slate clean and move on.
I yelled: “Was there anyone else, or is that it?”
She reddened and admitted to sex with a colleague on a
business trip, then with our neighbour when he came to catch a mouse in our
living room when I was away. It was when we were first married.
She said she was young and stupid and now wouldn’t dream of
doing anything so awful.
I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. I thought our
sex life was good but she has a high sex drive and mine is low. I do turn her
down sometimes. She admits she has faked orgasms with me.
Our sex life isn’t very adventurous but I thought she liked
vanilla sex. She never told me there was anything wrong.
She says she loves me with all her heart and I’m glad we
have everything out in the open but I feel lost. Is there some way we can get
through this?
DEIDRE SAYS: You
can – if she is true to her word and her affairs are over. She has betrayed you
in a huge way and needs to apologise sincerely.
The trust isn’t going to come back overnight but I do hear
from couples who manage to kick-start their relationship after one of them has
cheated and they make more effort to be focused on one another.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.
At least you know one area of your relationship you can
strengthen.
Have a check-up with your GP to ensure your low sex drive
isn’t down to a hormone deficiency.
Ask your wife to tell you what feels good and what touches
work for her.
You both need to take time to enjoy quality foreplay. The
majority of women need stimulation of those sensitive areas to achieve orgasm,
rather than regular intercourse.
My e-leaflet on Orgasm For Women explains self-help sex
therapy in more detail.
Credits: The Sun
Deidre Sanders
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