Years ago, my girlfriends and I relished the quiet hours
when we’d steal away from our male friends to sit beneath the stars with a
drink and embark on deep and meaningful conversations.
Seems like a lifetime ago.
As eighteen-year-olds, we did this frequently. Girls need
other girls. We need to talk and be heard, and there is nothing like a
girlfriend’s ear. We’re good at it, too. It’s like soul and heart therapy
wrapped up in a special friendship bundle. Back then, it was boys and
relationships that dominated the conversation, and sometimes, Michael
Hutchence.
Star of my teenage dreams.
Mmm … where was I?
I don’t see my old friends too often nowadays. We are a far
cry from those Michael Hutchence lovesick girls who shared everything and cried
together over the most trivial things (okay, the bourbon may have played a part
in that bit).
Life happens. Rock stars die too young and lone strands of
rebellious hair appear in places it never did previously. But, every now and
then, I am able to snatch a few wonderful hours with my friends to touch base
and catch up.
Women need other women. We need to share deep secrets with
someone who really understands us. Most of my emotional strength has come
through the support of my sisters throughout my life. We give each other an
outlet when most needed.
The conversations may have changed over the years, but the
deep bonds have only strengthened. Unsurprisingly, men still seem to wind their
way back into our discussions.
During a recent get-together, I asked my friends what a
40-something woman looks for in a man.
Ready to be a fly on the wall?
Here are the four-most prevailing qualities offered by these
beautiful 40+ women:
(Disclaimer: the
following is not professional relationship advice and are subjective viewpoints
discussed by a few Aussie women who just know this stuff).
1. Please don’t
compare us to younger women
Compliments are wonderful. Some 40+ women might be in great
shape and appear younger than their age — but we don’t want to be compared to a
woman in her 20’s or 30’s because, well, we’re not her.
It is true that some men in their 40’s and beyond want a
young “trophy” on their arm. It’s probably safe to say that every woman in her
40’s has at point contemplated if her significant other has toyed with the idea
of trading her in for a younger version.
We’ve all seen The First Wives Club.
Thankfully, some men do prefer the love of a mature woman
who knows how to handle her man. He recognizes that women of a similar age as
him are the women he can relate to since they share a common demographic.
Women value a man who sees life the way we do; who sees us
for who we are and what we have to offer — confidence. Among other things.
Time might have passed in a blink of an eye but we are in
our 40’s — we have self-knowledge and life experience, and we’ve earned every inch
of those golden nuggets.
We know who we are and what we want. In return, we would
very much like those qualities to be appreciated by our men.
2. Mature women do
want romance
Just skip the flowers. Did anyone ever say this out loud?
We might be outliers on this one, but check it out:
Giving a woman flowers is a lovely gesture. They smell nice
and they’re pretty, but we have enough to do without hunting down an elusive
vase, trimming stems and combining a sachet of sugary life-prolonging powder
into water before arranging the bouquet just so.
This is unduly followed by days of cleaning up the wilting
petals and making sure the water doesn’t dry up.
In short, we don’t want anything that requires us to do
extra work.
Quality romance to a woman in her 40’s is attentiveness and
time. We want to feel the connection. We want to be “wooed” through acts of
consideration, respect, and support, and we want to feel special.
Many of us are working long hours in our careers. It’s much
more romantic and meaningful when a man takes the time to learn how you like
your tea rather than to receive flowers.
3. No game-players
“I don’t want to pretend to be anything I’m not, and quite
frankly, I’m too tired to deal with someone pretending to be something they’re
not.”
True story.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — don’t bring
the games. We’re too … erm … old and too tired for the ring-around. Time is
precious. We don’t want to waste it on games when what we want is someone
special.
Women in their 40’s have been through their fair share of
relationships and marriages. We have learned from those relationships enough to
be in tune about what we want from a man, and we’re ready to get it right.
Mature women are looking for a genuine man who practices kindness
and lives from the heart. Someone who will treasure her heart enough to never
let her down.
What we want is an emotionally-sound and self-realized man
who can express his feelings and take responsibility for his actions; one who
knows the value in time, love and vulnerability.
In simple words, it is an authentic connection that mature
women want.
4. Self-awareness is
key
It is a special man who can steal and keep the heart of a
woman in her 40’s. She yearns for soul-quality. Someone who understands himself.
He is on the same page as her, has learned from past relationships and is not
interested in repeating old behavior patterns.
Let’s be honest, the prospect of great conversation with an
intelligent man is extremely appealing to a woman in her 40’s. In fact, it’s a
damned turn-on. There is a reason why the human brain is the most powerful sex
organ — use it.
Narrow-mindedness, stinginess, and nit-picking are big
no-nos. Let the small things slide and learn to laugh at yourself.
Humor is sexy.
So is thoughtfulness.
We are women who appreciate a man who contemplates
higher-level concepts and life meaning. Someone with a broad perspective and
possesses the ability to focus on the bigger picture.
And while we’re talking self-awareness, a little (or a lot)
of that quality won’t go astray in the bedroom either — an unselfish lover
makes the world go-around … and around.
And around.
Life is really a journey toward self-actualization. We’re in
it together. Regardless of what life stage we are at, wise is the man who
recognizes the gift of a woman’s heart.
Real love is a treasure-trove waiting to be discovered
through true connection. At the end of the day, that is what women in their
40’s desire in a partner. At least, these women.
(Medium)
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