A recent study of 645 straight women from 21 different
countries revealed one in six have never had an orgasm during sex.
Of those that had reached the point of climax, it took on
average 13 minutes and 25 seconds to get there.
And according to a study published in the Journal of Sex
Research, 67 per cent of women surveyed owned up to faking one.
If this sounds familiar to you, don't worry. We-Vibe's
sexpert Silva Neves, a specialist psychosexual psychotherapist who appeared on
the recent BBC3 series Sex on the Couch, has shared his top tips for boosting
pleasure levels in the bedroom.
Here he tells FEMAIL why so many women struggle to reach
climax - and why it's so important that you NEVER fake it.
'Difficulty with orgasms is one of the top problems that
women seek sex therapy for,' Silva explains.
'It is very common, yet, calling it a "problem to
fix" is actually part of the block to orgasms.' So, what is the solution?
Take the pressure off
'Paradoxically, if you want to have better orgasms, you have
to take the pressure off of yourself to achieve one,' Silva says.
'In other words, don't make the orgasm your goal or the
thing that must happen for you to qualify the sex act as "good sex".
Instead, make the goal be pleasure.
'If your goal is pleasure-focused rather than
orgasm-focused, your body will be in an arousal state that will be more ready
for an orgasm.
'Being focused on pleasure is about being curious about your
body and your partner's body.'
Get to know your body VERY well
Silva recommends touching yourself in all areas of your body
to get to know where your trigger points are.
'The arms, legs, inner thighs, breasts, different parts of
your vulva, clitoris, and so on,' he says.
'Get a foot massage or a head massage and be focused on how
it feels. Being mindful of all the areas of your body will give you a sense of
how pleasure happens for you.'
Make sure you're comfortable
It sounds like a no brainer, but being in comfortable
surroundings with a partner you trust is a big factor when it comes to sexual
satisfaction.
'Pleasure is context dependent,' Silva advises. 'You need to
be in a comfortable place, feeling safe and feeling good, whether you're on
your own or with a partner.'
Don't be judgmental
It is easy to have judgmental thoughts about your body, but
these negative waves will only hamper your orgasm potential.
'Women can be labelled with horrific words if they are not
sexual enough, or if they are "too sexual", whatever that means,'
Silva says.
'Stay grounded with your own sense of pleasure and
sexuality, and move away from those judgemental thoughts.
'Learn to love your body, touch yourself everywhere to learn
your erogenous map, move away from the orgasm goal and be pleasure-centred
instead.'
Engage your brain
Believe it or not, the brain is one of the most important
sex organs.
'Some women report having an orgasm with no body
stimulations but by giving their sexual partner pleasure,' Silva explains. 'If
it is a big turn-on, it can bring on an orgasm.
'Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings when you become
sexually aroused.
'The brain being a major sex organ means that it can also
turn you off.
'Typically, if you believe that your body doesn't look good
naked, or you have some judgemental thoughts about your sexuality, these can
turn you off and your body won't be prepared for an orgasm.'
Be open to experimentation
While your partner may have no problems reaching climax, men
can also experience different types of orgasm.
'As you discover your G-spot, your partner can discover
theirs,' Silva explains.
'Men can experience pleasure that is not on their penis. For
example, stimulating the prostate can produce much pleasure.
'If it is awkward to start with, there are good sex toys out
there, such as the We-Vibe Vector, which is especially designed to reach the
prostate and stimulate it effortlessly, which can help with such exploration.
'Learning to use sex toys on each other can be part of great
couple sexy fun.'
Don't fake it
'Don't fake an orgasm to please your partner,' Silva says.
'If they think you like it, they will continue to do the
same things. Be honest and kindly guide your partner into touching you as you
want to be touched.
'Having sex with somebody is basically learning each other's
body map. Everybody's different!'
Don't panic!
Silva points out that many women report having 'great sex'
without experiencing orgasms.
'Orgasms are all different and they feel different,' he
says.
'You may have orgasms from clitoral stimulation or vaginal
stimulation. Some have orgasms with their breasts being touched or massaged.
'Some experience greater orgasms when their feet are
stimulated. Others like vaginal intercourse, though many women do not
experience orgasms through intercourse.
(Daily Mail)
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