DEAR DEIDRE: I STARTED having an affair just for the sex, but
now we have developed feelings for each other – and he’s asked me to leave my
husband.
I am 32, my husband is 35 and we have two boys, aged five
and seven. I only stay with him for their sake.
Last autumn I started doing a book-keeping class at our
community college so I could start working for myself.
It was good to get out, meet fresh faces and not have
children as our only topic of conversation.
The man teaching our evening class made learning seem like
fun. I found myself making a special effort to look good to go to college and I
got a bit flirty with the teacher if I had to ask a question — and he was
flirting back.
The whole class bonded and one evening we went for a drink together.
The teacher came too.
Gradually, the two of us talked more exclusively to one
another and he suggested I stay behind class the next week and just the two of
us go for a drink. He is 41 and has just moved to our area after getting
divorced.
We started seeing one another regularly, had sex after about
a month — and it was so passionate and romantic.
My husband has let himself go and we haven’t had sex since
my youngest was born.
Now I have sex as often as I can with my lover. His little
flat is like our love nest.
I’ve been telling my husband I’m doing extra studying. It
was only ever meant to be a sexy fling but we are falling in love and my lover
has asked me to leave my husband for him.
Do you think it could work? I feel my marriage is over.
DEIDRE SAYS: It has been a truly romantic experience for you
after years of being Mum and taken for granted by your husband, but look at the
practicalities.
You and your lover haven’t been together around your
children. I presume you don’t intend to cut them out of your life. Imagine
day-to-day life with two little boys missing their dad.
I’m not saying it’s impossible but I am saying it won’t be
the romantic dream you are enjoying now.
It will be hard work.
It’s not a good idea to stay with your husband only for the
sake of the children, as they pick up wrong messages about what a loving
relationship should be like, but do give your marriage one last chance.
Stop seeing your lover for now while you ask your husband to
work with you to make one another happy again.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT can help.
If it doesn’t work, then you can get together with your
lover knowing you at least tried
He’ll wait if he really loves you.
Credits: Deidre Sanders
The Sun
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