My daughter hates her father and I because we didn’t help her to leave her ex

DEAR DEIDRE: OUR daughter walked out on her husband and found someone new. She’s much happier now but is so angry with me and her dad. Her ex was abusive and she says we should have helped her go.

She’s 31, was married for eight years and has two daughters and a son. I feel terrible now as we knew she was unhappy. But I suppose we didn’t get how bad things were.

It’s true she told us her husband pushed their young daughter when she’d answered back and that she’d hit her head on the wall.

She showed us the bruise but we thought it was an accident and we didn’t know quite what to do. Her husband, who is two years older than her, was always polite to my husband and me and I guess we were just taken in by him.

Our daughter now says she needs to know why we never helped her to get out. I can’t believe we left her to suffer with him and I have no excuse.

I am of a generation where we put up with a lot in a marriage but I understand things have changed.

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t be too hard on yourselves. A big part of her anger will really be aimed at her ex and a part for herself that she didn’t predict how her marriage would be or get out sooner.

She may not have thanked you if you had intervened.

Tell her you love her and are sorry if you let her and your grandchildren down.

Show her you are there for her now, for as long as it takes.

You can all contact Family Lives for support on how best to help your grandchildren cope with what must have been a turbulent period in their lives.

Credits: Deidre Sanders

The Sun