DEAR DEIDRE: SEXTING men until the early hours has become an
addiction – until one day I dozed off with my phone in my hand and my husband
discovered what I was up to.
I am 28, my husband is 30 and we have two sons, aged four
and nine.
During our 12 years together, our relationship has not been
easy.
I have always managed all the practical things. When we
bought our house, for example, I organised everything as my husband is not
confident dealing with business things.
He had a terrible childhood and I have always wanted to give
him everything. When bills started mounting up, I simply missed paying the
mortgage.
I was borrowing money from my mum. When she could no longer
afford it, she told my husband everything. He left sorting it out up to me.
I just kept burying my head in the sand and longing to
escape. Then an app came up on my phone. It was a virtual reality game where you
could be anything you wanted.
I used a false name and started talking to one man in
particular from Canada. He flattered me and soon the messages became sexual.
I fell asleep one night when I was downstairs messaging this
other guy. My husband came down to check where I was and he saw the messages. I
told him I had met someone else online and he was crushed.
We decided to try again and I promised to block that guy and
delete the app. I tried but my addiction was too strong and I was soon back
sexting other men.
My husband checked my phone again and was disgusted with me.
We talked and I deleted the app again but I still couldn’t resist going back.
In the end, my husband threatened to leave.
I realise I’m playing with fire and I cannot believe how
much I have risked. I have put locks on my phone now so only my husband can
approve apps, but I’m worried it’s too late for us.
DEIDRE SAYS: Many of these apps are designed to be addictive
but you were extra vulnerable because your relationship is out of balance. You
need to tackle that, too, and not just rely on blocks on your phone.
Your husband has been leaving everything to you instead of
taking his share of responsibility. He may have had a terrible childhood but,
for his sake as well as yours, you need to reset your relationship to one where
you are equals, not where you are his mum.
Set time aside to talk honestly with one another and work
out a plan where you share the tasks in family life.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT tells how to get things
back on track.
Credits: The Sun
Deidre Sanders
Comments
Post a Comment