DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a hot affair with a younger girl at work. The sex was amazing but then I had to choose between her and my wife, family and home.
I’m 38 and have been married for 14 years. We have two lovely daughters, who are 16 and 13. My wife is 40. I think she loves me, but she just doesn’t show it. We’ve had a very stressful couple of years.
The only way we could buy our own home was to move in with my mum and dad to save on rent. Then we took on a wreck of a house, which Dad and I have more or less rebuilt ourselves.
Money has been tight, which the girls didn’t always understand, and we haven’t had much privacy, so our sex life more or less dried up. A new girl started at work who is 15 years younger than me. We would both get in early and had nearly an hour every day while the office was quiet.
Within a few weeks we were chatting and sharing our innermost thoughts. She told me her boyfriend had dumped her for her best mate. I told her my marriage had started off well but it now seemed unloving and cold.
We got to be closer and then her birthday came around and I took her for lunch. Well, we didn’t go back to the office that day. We went to a local hotel and had sex. It was out of this world. Our affair lasted three great months then my wife found a hotel receipt on the floor.
I’ve always been rubbish at lying and so I just told her the truth. She told me I had to choose — so what could I do? I chose my wife and my life with my wonderful girls. I begged my wife to say nothing to my parents so we’ve papered over the cracks and should be moving into our new home in a couple of months.
The girl at work moved to a different branch and I thought that was that. Now she’s back in head office with me and I long to be with her and not with my wife. I love my wife but I’m not in love with her. I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Living with your parents and doing up your own house has put an enormous strain on your relationship with your wife but you are in sight of the turning point now.
Avoid the girl at work and be firm that you are not going to rekindle your affair. Your wife must feel very hurt but ask her to join with you in making one another feel loved and desired again.
Try to get out together at least some evenings so you can talk honestly without your daughters or parents around. Remember the couple you were – and can be again.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help you both.
Credits: Deidre Sanders
The Sun
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