WHEN Emma Dearing imagined having kids, she did not think it would mean having sex with three of her mates.
But over time she became so desperate to become a mum that she resorted to the bizarre strategy.
It followed a string of emotional events including the end of her marriage, an early menopause and being denied NHS IVF treatment.
So, using a home testing kit to see when she was most fertile, she would then call one of her “sperm donors” to visit her for sex which she hoped would result in a baby.
Emma, 36 — herself an NHS clinical advisor — is now in a new relationship and is hoping she can finally conceive her dream baby in the more conventional way.
She recalls: “I felt like I was driven to the decision and that I had no choice but now I am in a new relationship I really regret it.
“I felt I had to do whatever it took to have a baby. I was completely honest with the three mates I had sex with.
“They know my reasons and were happy to help me.
“I honestly believed that my chance of becoming a mum was dwindling very quickly so I had to take measures into my own hands and at the time it made some sense.
“I believed it was better this way than going out on a Friday or Saturday night and having one-night stands with men I barely knew in the hope that I would get pregnant.
“The child would never know its father and the man involved would never know he had a son or daughter.”
Emma continues: “It is a little strange. I’d never been one to have one-night stands or sex with random blokes, but these were men I could trust and I just tried to remember the reason when I was doing it.
“They almost laughed when I called them to say I was fertile and they had better come round.
“My female friends all know about it as well and they were really supportive.
“It’s only since entering into a new relationship that I realise I do still want a traditional family and I hope no one else is pushed into that situation.”
Emma, from Barnsley, South Yorkshire, realised in 2011 that she might have problems conceiving when she failed to get pregnant with her then-husband, who does not want to be named.
She says: “We weren’t married then but we had been together for 11 years. We’d been trying for a baby for a couple of years and nothing had happened.
“I went to see my GP and was referred for tests. It was then that I was told I was in a perimenopausal state (the stage before full menopause).
“It was a huge shock. I was only 32 and thought I had years left to become a mum.”
Although Emma was still ovulating, the number of eggs she was producing was diminishing and the quality was deteriorating.
She says: “I was absolutely devastated. More than anything in the world I wanted a baby, a child of my own that I could care for and nurture.
“I’d always adored children, played auntie to my friends’ kids and just assumed that my turn would eventually come.
“My partner and I spoke about our options. He wasn’t keen on IVF, so we decided to look at adoption if nothing happened in the next few years.”
Emma says: “I was utterly heartbroken. We had been together for 13 years and I thought he truly loved me, like I did him.
“I’d just assumed we would grow old together surrounded by children and grandchildren.”
Determined not to give up her dream of becoming a mum, Emma spent last year making inquiries about undergoing IVF treatment through a sperm donor on the NHS.
But to compound her suffering she was told she needed to be in a stable relationship for two years.
Emma says: “It felt like everything was going against me and I was never destined to become a mum.”
To pay for the treatment privately would have cost nearly £3,300 per cycle, and although she started fundraising online and with cake sales at work, she only managed to raise £600.
Emma says: “I just don’t have that sort of money.
“I’m trying to save what I can, but there isn’t much left out of my wages at the end of every month after I’ve paid all the bills.”
Earlier this year, when she confided in her male friends — who are all in their 30s — they immediately offered to help.
Emma says: “I’ve had lots of mates who are blokes. A lot of them I’ve known for years. When they realised how desperate I was, three of them said they would become my sperm donor, if it helped me to achieve my dream.
“At first I was a bit nervous. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do or not.
“But the more I thought about it, the more I came round to the idea. These blokes were good friends who wanted to help me.
“I’d told them I didn’t expect anything from them. If they wanted to be part of any future child’s life, that was fine.
“But if they didn’t, I wouldn’t expect them to or lay any demands on them. So we all understood one another right from the beginning.”
Emma chatted to her friends about how she would try to conceive. She recalls: “We talked about the turkey baster method but somehow it just didn’t seem nice or right.
“And they agreed we might as well have a bit of fun along the way and go for the traditional method of having sex.
“But my method of trying to become pregnant was fuelled by desperation.
“I realise now I do have a choice — and resorting to sex with friends wasn’t the right choice.”
(The Sun)
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