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Tunde Mabinuori
Our relationship with God is like the hub of a wheel.
Everything else in life comes into balance when the Lord has central position
in our lives.
This is so with our emotions too. One of the most powerful
experiences God has given us is the sex drive. Sex and marriage are designed by
God, and are incredible. However, I want to establish that the only way to
experience the original beauty of marriage, sex, and freedom from sexual
immorality is a personal relationship with God, through Jesus Christ.
It is sexual intercourse, reserved for husband and wife,
that makes marriage the most unique of all relationships. (In sex, a man and wife are made one flesh). All other forms of
intimacy can be experienced between any two people.
Statistics have shown that there is usually a higher rate
(more than 50%) of separation between lovers when they cohabit, as opposed to
their married counterparts. The reason is because the commitment of marriage
provides the best context for intimacy:
Love, marriage, and sex are the three building blocks that
make sexual intimacy possible. Love- contrary to widely held opinion, - is
about meeting the needs of others, and is not about self-gratification. You
don’t really need marriage to have sex; but you certainly do need marriage to
experience the authentic pleasure of sex that God intended!
Love, sex and marriage without the relational emphasis is
just the sexual act; it leaves people empty, dissatisfied, and feeling guilty.
This explains just one reason why sex outside marriage is so destructive: it
delivers a momentary, addictive pleasure without the core dimension of
intimacy.
Let us examine points that can foster sexual intimacy in a
marriage.
1.
Communication
Frustration accumulates when the
husband and wife are not a able to communicate about problems, desires, fears,
or a host of other regularly unspoken issues that impact their sexual
experience.
Communication allows difficult
topics to be openly discussed. What if the wife has no interest in sex? On the
other hand, is there freedom to share sexual fantasies with your spouse? Can
both partners openly share what they think about their sex life, as well as
every other part of their lives?
2.
Caring
Caring for your partner means
providing them with the sexual experience that pleases them, on their terms, in
their way, in their time frame. A husband caring for his wife might mean he focuses
on slow and gentle caresses, speaking of her beauty and his love for her, or
perhaps practicing giving a full body massage!
3.
Commitment
Commitment to sexual intimacy in
marriage involves doing what is necessary to achieve it, and eliminating
whatever impedes it. Commitment also translates into time; you must prioritize your
time for sex since busyness is one factor that always gets in the way. Some
people live complicated lives which never leave them enough time or energy to
feel sexual desire.
4.
Common
Values
Intimacy will not be produced when
values held by husbands and wives are in conflict. Couples don’t have to
necessarily believe all the same things; nevertheless, unless there are
fundamental common beliefs and core values, there can be no spiritual union.
Pastor Tunde Mabinuori is the
Ministter-in-Charge, Rhema Chapel International Church, Oluyole Estate, Ibadan
e-mail: tundemabinuori@gmail.com
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