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1.
The Curse
– Genesis 3:16 – “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy
sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy
desire shall be top thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. “
Many women have ignorantly assumed that when God said that the man would
rule over the woman, that it is synonymous with abuse. No, that is not what God
meant.
Though created for the man, the woman was made subordinate to him from
the first, but the supremacy of the man was not intended to become a despotic
rule, crushing the woman into a slave. The issue of the rule is on the one
hand, and the subordination on the other, but both have their roots in mutual
esteem and love.
In addition to being the help meet of man and the partner of his
affections, she will also be in humble subjection to him.
2.
Headship –
The Bible uses the word picture of the human body to illustrate Christ’s
relationship to the Church and a husband’s relationship to his wife. From this
metaphor, the Bible shows us that, like the head of a body, a man needs to use
whatever thoughts or choices he has to protect and care for his wife, just as
he uses his own head to protect and care for his own body (Ephesians 5:23-30). Yet,
for too long, Christians have turned a beautiful word picture of a sacrificial
love into a self-serving expression of domestic entitlement. Instead of seeing
the head as the source of protection and provision for the body, we have seen
it being used as a justification for self-serving direction, control and
authority. Even if benevolent leadership is implied in the “head”, it will not
be authoritarian in style.
Jesus made that clear when he said of leadership in general, “The kings
of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and those who exercise authority
over them are called ‘benefactors’. But not so among you; on the contrary, he
who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he
who serves” (Luke 22:25-26).
3.
Submission
– In context, submission between husbands and wives is to be a two way
street. The “obey” part of the marriage vow is often misunderstood to mean that
women should be suppressed, when the intent is actually cooperation.
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he uses the principle of “mutual submission”
5:21 to set the context for how husbands and wives are to understand what a
Christ-centered relationship looks like. This mutual submission becomes clear,
however; only as we understand that the sacrificial love that is needed for a
husband to care for his wife as he cares for his own body is an even stronger
picture of what is asked of the wife. Yet on countless occasions, women have been
told to be more submissive so that their husbands will be less abusive.
4.
Superficial
repentance and forgiveness – Healthy repentance and forgiveness enable us
to turn away from self-destructive and dangerous behaviour – rather than to
prolong it. Yet in settings of marital abuse, the words, ‘’I was never wrong”, “I
am sorry”, “Will you please forgive me?” are too often used to demand for forgiveness
without consequences or a lasting change of heart. Once the man admits he is
wrong, the pressure is back on the wife to act as if the abuse never occurred.
The result is that a return to business as usual allows for the predictable
cycle of abuse to continue.
5.
Jesus’
example of suffering – Spouses who quietly or even openly admit to being
abused often convince themselves by looking at out Lord’s example of suffering,
patiently and unjustly. But when this happens, the fact is being overlooked that
Jesus was suffering in a redemptive way to show sacrificial love for his bride,
the Church. To turn this around and say that a spouse is to patiently endure
the self-centered violence of the partner is to unintentionally promote heresy.
Encouraging a spouse to suffer abuse as Christ did is to inadvertently tell
him/her to misrepresent the good purposes of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Pastor Tunde Mabinuori is the Minister-in-Charge, Rhema Chapel
International Churches, Oluyole Estate, Ibadan.
e-mail: tundemabinuori@gmail.com
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